Oh My God, What have i done? I feel pathetic & disgusting. Not because someone else has done something to me but just the mere thought of how foolish i can be is making me feel terrible. You might be thinking what is this gal talking about. I gave my personal mobile number to a complete stranger. Can you believe it.? Yes, i did it. Most of you will be thinking whats so terrible about it. But how many of us think about the consequences that alone can cause. A girl like me in a new city with weird rules cannot make such stupid mistake. Because the fear i am feeling now is inexpressable. Though i have my husband staying with me, i feel this terrible fear because anything can happen in this world. My husband goes for work early in the morning & comes back by noon. I have his company for the rest of the day. So i shouldnt be that worried.
I was so scared that my hands started shaking when i heard the calling bell. Most of the time it will be people i know. I was having my lunch alone when i heard two bells. I ran to open the door because it was the much awaited call. We were waiting for the internet connection to come through for the past few days. My husband called me today & said that they are coming to fix it today and i should manage it. So i knew it & opened the doors. Two guys were there, one was the assistant. The main guy asked for permission to come in & apologized for disturbing me at this time. I said it was ok becuase its our need to get the connection fast. Guy asked me if i was a malayali. I said yes & he asked me if i could switch on the a/c. I feel chill when i put that on for more than 5 mins. So i shut it down the moment heat comes down. Thats why it was not on. He asked me if somebody came previously to check this.I said a guy came 2 weeks prior & we complained & nothing happend. He checked few things & told me the problem is still there & he will fix it in 2 days. And he asked for my number. I said i will give my husband's number. Then he asked me dont you have your number. Meanwhile i was grabbing my mobile to get my husband's number. Since he asked twice i gave my number, i will call it 'the moment of utter foolishness'. But i didnt feel bad at that time. He said he will call once its fixed today itself. All of a sudden he wanted to shake my hands. I was thinking how can i give my hands. Finally i shook my hands and he smiled. And then i realised something somewhere is wrong & that i shouldnt have given my number and i shouldnt have hand shaked. During situations like this i convince myself saying what happend is already gone, you cant change it. You can prevent things getting worse.
The guy called after two hours & i was shivering when he said he is coming over again to connect the internet. I had no balance to call my husband. This time the tube light in my head starting working. Our friends were staying opposite to our door & i called them home for tea. They came & i told them what has happend & they promised to stay with me until that guy has gone. Finally I was relieved. The bell rang after few minutes. My friend opened the door. I was in the kitchen making tea. So i couldnt see the guys reaction. Somehow it was going smoothly & silently. Then the bell rang again. I went to open it. I was so happy to see the person in front of the door, my husband reached finally. With lot of people around & with my husband the guy had hardly anything to say & he left after connecting our connection with the world. And i decided not to answer unknown numbers & i decided i will say NO whereever its needed.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Life in a heated city
The day has dawned, the much awaited day...to leave friends and family to meet my love..had to wake up early since i had to go to temple...Like most of us around, for me getting up early in the morning is like killing myself. But today i didnt feel bad, i was as excited as a kid. Thankfully all the temples were closeby where i am staying so it went smooth. By the time i reached home everyone was waiting for me. They were all busily eating breakfast so that they can send me off at the right time. Had tea from cousin's cup & i dont remember what i ate. Finished the final packing, had to leave my favourite dresses behind & many other valuables, i mean my books & other stuffs. No choice since u can carry only 30kgs & i was worried if i had crossed that too.
Elders got into one car & me with cousins. I was too tensed coz it was the first international flight which i was going to catch, though i had all the docs with me ready. I believe nervousness is part & parcel of my life. After the nervousness when everything settles down, the peace you get is like one hell of a feeling. To understand it you have to go through it & that is gifted for a person like me, not everyone gets it. I will come back to the seeing off sight now, i felt happy and sad together.Being with cousins & parents is a different feeling, when you are away from them only you realise how precious they are and how each one of them adds the warmth to your life. I hugged them all except one person who was no where near the sight, i was looking for the person & then i got busy with my baggage. But i saw the person who was running towards the barrier which separated us & he hugged me. I felt really happy coz i never expected it, people amaze me all the time. The silly fights were going to end and the tiny moments we had together were going to be memory coz who knows where i will be & where they will be when we come back. I am sure everyone gets busy when they are responsible and when they have so many things to settle in life. But we have to find time for everything, even to think about those moments you need time. I waved to all of them & saw their last glimpse. The next moment it was all erased, coz i was going after the visa collection & what not at the airport.
By the way to tell u about the journey, it was hardly for 4hrs but it felt like ages. I havent felt that much bored in my life. None to talk to, since all strangers & how can you believe anyone in this world. If you talk to someone or get acquainted you never know that person might turn out to be the most wanted criminal. Thinking of it, i have a friend who was travelling by bus to attend our mutual friend' s marriage. He had a stranger guy sitting next to him & they talked for a while. Next week my friend saw the newspaper & that stranger turned out to be a drug dealer caught by the police. That story was there in the back of my mind, so i was staring into the depths of the sky and the distance. Finally i reached the hot land, thats how i would like to call this place. When i landed the crew said its 44degree celsius, i wanted to go back. The heat would make yourself crazy even during 8'o clock in the night. Thats nt worse, the highest is yet to come. You have to fit an A/C to your body while you go out otherwise you will be fried. I am a person who hates extreme heat & extreme cold. Not because i wanted to love it, but my body hates it. I hope i can adjust to it.
Its been one month since i landed here. And havent even started job search. You might think i am a lazy goose. Indeed i am, but this time its not my fault. Can you believe we havent got interenet connection till now. How can i apply for jobs? You tell me. Its true that i am nt going out & searching. Thats like not knocking the door & telling them that you are coming. Who would accept it, i always wonder maybe lucky ones or high profile geniuses might get through like that. I think its worth to take rest now & then search for jobs having been worked for almost 5yrs without any break. Dont you think that is sensible? Who knows what might be awaiting you. I am giving a shot of wait and watch theory. We will see how far i will succeed. Without a job you cant sustain here with the expenses increasing & moreover i want to help paying off our debts.
Leaving those things behind, on a personal front i have been thinking different lately. Like giving importance to the family, my strength & my weaknesses & i am trying to improve on almost everything which i feel negative. I wonder if people get time to think about these things. But to tell you, its really nice to know yourself better & that will help you find a balance in your life. Hope you all will try it too, it wont cost anything. Just think & smile of what you have done.
Elders got into one car & me with cousins. I was too tensed coz it was the first international flight which i was going to catch, though i had all the docs with me ready. I believe nervousness is part & parcel of my life. After the nervousness when everything settles down, the peace you get is like one hell of a feeling. To understand it you have to go through it & that is gifted for a person like me, not everyone gets it. I will come back to the seeing off sight now, i felt happy and sad together.Being with cousins & parents is a different feeling, when you are away from them only you realise how precious they are and how each one of them adds the warmth to your life. I hugged them all except one person who was no where near the sight, i was looking for the person & then i got busy with my baggage. But i saw the person who was running towards the barrier which separated us & he hugged me. I felt really happy coz i never expected it, people amaze me all the time. The silly fights were going to end and the tiny moments we had together were going to be memory coz who knows where i will be & where they will be when we come back. I am sure everyone gets busy when they are responsible and when they have so many things to settle in life. But we have to find time for everything, even to think about those moments you need time. I waved to all of them & saw their last glimpse. The next moment it was all erased, coz i was going after the visa collection & what not at the airport.
By the way to tell u about the journey, it was hardly for 4hrs but it felt like ages. I havent felt that much bored in my life. None to talk to, since all strangers & how can you believe anyone in this world. If you talk to someone or get acquainted you never know that person might turn out to be the most wanted criminal. Thinking of it, i have a friend who was travelling by bus to attend our mutual friend' s marriage. He had a stranger guy sitting next to him & they talked for a while. Next week my friend saw the newspaper & that stranger turned out to be a drug dealer caught by the police. That story was there in the back of my mind, so i was staring into the depths of the sky and the distance. Finally i reached the hot land, thats how i would like to call this place. When i landed the crew said its 44degree celsius, i wanted to go back. The heat would make yourself crazy even during 8'o clock in the night. Thats nt worse, the highest is yet to come. You have to fit an A/C to your body while you go out otherwise you will be fried. I am a person who hates extreme heat & extreme cold. Not because i wanted to love it, but my body hates it. I hope i can adjust to it.
Its been one month since i landed here. And havent even started job search. You might think i am a lazy goose. Indeed i am, but this time its not my fault. Can you believe we havent got interenet connection till now. How can i apply for jobs? You tell me. Its true that i am nt going out & searching. Thats like not knocking the door & telling them that you are coming. Who would accept it, i always wonder maybe lucky ones or high profile geniuses might get through like that. I think its worth to take rest now & then search for jobs having been worked for almost 5yrs without any break. Dont you think that is sensible? Who knows what might be awaiting you. I am giving a shot of wait and watch theory. We will see how far i will succeed. Without a job you cant sustain here with the expenses increasing & moreover i want to help paying off our debts.
Leaving those things behind, on a personal front i have been thinking different lately. Like giving importance to the family, my strength & my weaknesses & i am trying to improve on almost everything which i feel negative. I wonder if people get time to think about these things. But to tell you, its really nice to know yourself better & that will help you find a balance in your life. Hope you all will try it too, it wont cost anything. Just think & smile of what you have done.
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